The Exquisite F**# U by Lauren Haze

March 2022 marks two years since the world changed.

On March 11, 2020, was my significant marker. One of my jobs told me not to come in. As we all know things proceeded to shut down across our collective worlds. It was a deadly game of dominoes, a vision of synchronistic energy flow. Once the first spread began a pandemic of dis-ease erupted on many levels.

Since everything is an acronym, I’ll sarcastically join the crowd. Henceforth in this blog, EFU = Exquisite F**# U. I trust we all know what that means. Saying F**# U to someone is personal. Many of us, myself included, often feel like the victim in situations. Our experiences have definitely been different. We are reminded daily, however, that we have all been isolated.

I call it exquisite because it’s been about solitude. We felt what it’s like to really live alone. You found out how much you love or hate that. You had time to get to know yourself and maybe make some adjustments. Some of us experienced spending lots of time with our partners, parents and/or children. We found out if we really liked those people. Dealing with patience is inevitable from Trader Joe’s to vaccine sites.

Isolation unearths feelings that were easily masked in the old days of normal life. Unless you have been a monk, cloistered nun, a prisoner punished with solitary confinement, or chosen an isolated retreat, etc., this is different. This has been unlike anything we have known as a whole. As events played out it seemed as if this was needed.

I send openhearted condolences to all those who have lost loved ones. Blessed be the mothers, fathers, children, sisters, brothers, aunts, grandparents and friends that have transitioned. I lost my Mother on February 22, 2020. She was 100 1/2years young! I flew in to help with arrangements without a mask. When it was time to leave I was masked and sanitized. The new normal had begun.

Maybe you don’t think our situation has been exquisite in any way. We all have different feelings and see things from our own perspective. I’ve chosen to challenge some of my old ways and have been working on getting rid of some behaviors and belief systems that are outdated for reaching my dreams. I’m
working on more openness to things I don’t understand with less judgement and more discernment.

GIFTS are in the EFU 

I found gifts in this transitional void. I realized I was a person that “eked out silver linings” or you could say a person who looked at life, most of the time, with her “glass half filled.” Maybe you’re thinking, of course, that’s the way to go. That idea is not for everybody. I had a client say to me years ago…”Ohhh you are one of those glass half-filled people,” as if it was a bad thing.

I want to move through life and all of its challenges in a more positive way. Learning to recognize smiling eyes above a mask is a gift. Each breath is a gift. I’m gifted with my health at this moment, and not taking it for granted.

I could see a gift in all the time I had with my Mother and all she had done for me. I chose to make a gift out of forgiving all that she didn’t do for me. I enjoyed the gift of getting closer to my big sister and nephew as we dealt with Mom’s transition. I continue to work on the gift of forgiveness towards myself for not being able to do all that I wanted for her when she was alive. Mom’s neighbors shared how much she meant to them in her assisted living residence. I was told that she always had a smile and went out of her way to help those who were mostly younger than her.

The gift of love never dies, yet it’s hard to lose our loved ones. Their love and support lives beyond the veil.

A Life Taken Becomes a Sacrificial Marker for Change

On May 31, 2020, Derrick Chauvin and officers made a heinous statement by kneeling on a man’s neck until he died. Hatred tore open old wounds as we witnessed the malicious murder of George Floyd. My DNA ached with loss, years of rage, and hopelessness. There was blood on the cotton before it was picked.

Supremacist violence is America’s fiber. We were asked to examine privilege.

How can we make a difference? We were all asked to look deeply at ourselves. We certainly had the time and we must continue to keep the tough conversations alive. The world protested their pain because WE ALL lost a fellow human that day. Via text and social media, Angelenos held a vigil, one night. We stood in silence in front of our home for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.

Our broken hearts grieving, we cried imagining our breath being taken away. Intolerance prevails. Hatred and ignorance destroyed Senate chambers. Violence prevails in the LGBTQ and Asian communities. Injustices towards Native Americans, all peoples of color and women continues.

I humbly ask for us all to attempt to see more gifts in each and every moment. Let’s start with the gift of breathing. Each thing we learn is a gift. We have the awe inspiring gift of Mother Nature. Look at all the emotions surrounding the gifts our pets and animals on the planet bring us. More and more, I’m feeling the gift of being on Earth at this time. Feel into the gift of a human being. Can we be humans loving? I embrace the gift of choosing to transmute any low self esteem into self- love. I imagine what the vibration of one-love for all would feel like and send it out during meditation. We exist here and now. We can heal together. Our greatest gift is life and the possibility for peace in each moment.

Let’s fill our lungs with air as we fill our beings with gratitude. We can glean lessons, if we are willing, from the challenges.

There is only love or fear. Choose Love.

Lauren Haze

Lauren Haze

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