Month: February 2015

Life is going to suck at times. Life is going to provide lots of drama. There is much negative going on in the world. But when we only focus on the negative, the drama-rama of life, we find ourselves in the middle of a bleak existence where we feel powerless, depressed, and victimized. And we wonder why. Because of what we’re letting in to influence us.

Someone I know became addicted to television court dramas—so much so she experienced frequent panic attacks and no longer found value in her daily life. Her relationships suffered, and she gained a tremendous amount of weight from eating while glued to the endless spectacle as it unfolded daily over the television.

We have to keep in the forefront of our consciousness, what we concentrate on we create. What we allow in does influence our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Just like Earth is constantly being hit by cosmic radiation you and I are constantly being hit too by endless advertisements, news programs, commentary, billboards, radio shows, pessimistic people, and websites designed to capture our attention and influence us. Much of our exposure is negative or opinionated, condones reckless behavior, or promotes the pursuit of meaningless goals. Don’t forget advertisers are selling you something.  They will use fear, lies, sex and all sorts of things to intimidate or seduce you into purchasing what they are selling.

There is a saying, “We are what we eat.” What we feed our body can nurture us. Or, eating without awareness can set us up for illness, excess weight gain, and stress. The same is true for what we feed our mind and heart.Care about what you allow into your mind and heart because a little bit of drama comes with being alive but a life filled with drama will never be that entertaining.

At one time I was a doormat. People walked all over me. They abused me and used me. I hated myself for being weak, for not standing up for myself, for being a doormat.  Until one day the resentment and anger grew so big I exploded.  But the emotional eruption did not make me feel better.  The only thing that stopped me feeling used and abused was to stop allowing myself to be mistreated.

People will treat us as we allow them to. People will not know how to treat us unless we let them know.  We can’t be afraid of rocking the boat or that we won’t be liked.  Who cares if we are liked by people who mistreat us, or use us, or treat us like a doormat?

A boundary is a limit we set to protect and take care of ourselves.  Boundaries let other people know our availability, values, and the conditions under which we will interact.  Establishing a boundary about how we want to be treated or how we must take care of ourselves is not about control or manipulation.  We do not set boundaries to change other people.  We do so to change us – to create a better, more positive life for ourselves by demonstrating a commitment to self-love and respect.

Learn to say no. Don’t be a doormat thinking people will like you for doing what they want you to do. Respect yourself enough to not go against what you know is right and best for you. The right people will respect you when you respect yourself enough to set boundaries out of love for yourself.

One of the best things I’ve learned is that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. At this time in life I spend a lot of time alone and love each minute of me-time.  Periods of solitude are healthy. I engage with myself, support myself, and have established intimacy with myself, which means I know me inside and out and am comfortable with who I am. It is during my alone time that I am most creative.  I healed myself by being alone. Solitude allowed me to honestly look within.  Today I am absolutely okay being alone. But there was a time I spent most of my time alone and hated it. And, there was a good reason I felt lonely even when I was surrounded by other people.

I felt lonely because I told myself I was lonely.  I know it sounds funny but our thoughts create our behavior.  I was completely focused on the huge chasm between my desire for hanging out with people and the reality of my social interaction level.  I wanted lots of friends and to be popular but I wasn’t. What I focused on – my being lonely – I created.

It is important for us to accept we are never alone.  We always have ourselves.  For me, accepting I could be my own best friend, biggest fan, most trusted confidant, and loving partner, allowed me to appreciate the difference between being lonely and being alone.

Learn how to be your own best friend, biggest fan, most trusted confidant, and loving partner.  By being okay on your own you will no longer be lonely. And, people will want to be around you because you are okay on your own.